The pea-brained media are at it once again.

They're always up to something.

Of course, "pea-brained" may be too harsh and thus an unacceptable modifier of the fourth estate.

Maybe harebrained media would be more appropriate. No, no, that's unkind to rabbits, hares and jackalopes.

Maybe halfwitted media? No, of course that is most unacceptable to those who spend about half of their day trying to be witty.

Regardless of the appropriate description, the pea-brained media are, indeed, at it again. Among the latest rounds of ridiculous restrictions of language are the terms "illegal alien" as an accurate means of describing, well, illegal immigrants, and "Redskins" as an accurate means of describing the Washington Redskins.

When the mainstream media become complicit in such utter nonsense as refusing to call an illegal an illegal or a football team a football team, they lose their estatehood, fourth or otherwise.

The other day, Nancy D'Alesandro Pelosi got her already too-tight chin skin in a bother when a reporter asked the aging congresswoman about the president's policies on illegal aliens.

"You mean 'undocumented people,'" Pelosi corrected.

Give Pelosi credit. She's singing in the same choir as The Associated Press, which last year dropped the term "illegal alien" from its Stylebook. (Thereby ensuring a new generation of politically correct readerless reporters who are more concerned with style than substance.)

Banning reporters' usage of "illegal alien" no doubt makes the liberal Associated Press chieftains (more on THAT term in a moment) feel good all over, but it does nothing to separate fact from fiction.

Illegal immigrants. Illegal aliens. Illegal trespassers. They are what they are. Ignoring the facts won't change that one bit.

Too many in the media want the luxury of being on all sides of every issue. And then they wonder why they have absolutely zero relevance.

The Washington Redskins, with Sonny Jurgensen at quarterback, played in the first National Football League game I ever attended in 1974. They were the Redskins then - and before. They are the Redskins now - and they will be the Redskins as long as the franchise exists.

The same goes for Miami (of Ohio) University. I inserted the parenthetical (of Ohio) for two reasons:

1. Years ago, in the off-chance the Miami Redskins would be ranked among the NCAA's top 25 teams in basketball or football, the sports writers always inserted "of Ohio" in order to differentiate from the university in Miami, Fla. (I'd dare to mention that school's nickname, but I'm already tilting at windstorms.)

2. The Oxford (of Ohio) folks hate it.

As the late Hamilton Joe Nuxhall once said "They will always be the Miami Redskins in my book." Mine, too.

NFL broadcaster and former New York Giants quarterback Phil Simms tried his best to avoid saying "Redskins" during a recent game. But what about "Giants?"

If "Redskins" is offensive to just one person, surely calling anyone a "Giant" is similarly offensive, eh, Phil?

* * *

Do not look an angry bear
in the eye; don't wink, either

And leave it to The Washington Post to write with hilarity on an otherwise tragic event following a fatal bear attack last month.

It seems five friends from New Jersey were hiking in the Apshawa Preserve, northwest of New York City, when a 300-pound black bear got wind of them. (Can we even write "300-pound black bear" without the PC police calling? Never mind.)

It seems the friends resorted to that age-old conundrum when it comes to outrunning a bear. They split up and ran off in five directions. For four of them, they didn't have to outrun the bear, just their fifth friend.

You guessed it. The bear caught friend No. 5.

Here's where the Post's story takes an unintentional comedic turn. In an effort to advise an unsuspecting public of what to do and what not to do in the event of a bear encounter, the Post suggests the following mountain man survival tips:

1. Don't let it smell food.

(Even if you happen to be the food.)

2. Don't sneak up on a bear.

(Haven't we all seen those "messin' with Sasquatch" commercials? They don't like surprises. Neither do bears.)

3. If a bear shows up, avoid looking it in the eye.

(And never, ever wink at a bear. They'll throw the next pitch high and inside if you wink at 'em.)

4. Don't fake your death. Playing dead only works with brown bears.

(Oh, really?! Playing dead does, in fact, work to prevent an attack by a brown bear? Pray tell, just what is a hiker supposed to do if he's not 100-percent certain the attacking bear is black or brown? Besides avoiding eye contact and not winking?)

5. Don't try to run away.

(See my question to tip No. 4 above.)

6. Put up a good fight. If the bear doesn't back off and - worst-case scenario - moves in for the attack, do everything you can to get that animal off you.

(No kidding!! Especially since you can't wink, look the bear in the eye or run like hell.)

The story does not include a tip No. 7, which for many of us would be tip No. 1: If you're walking through bear country, carry a gun. Unless you can outrun at least one of your four companions.

Rory Ryan is Senior Editor, North American Desk, at Paperitalo Publications and the owner of The Highland County Press in Hillsboro, Ohio. He can be reached by email at rory.ryan@taii.com or roryeryan@gmail.com.